You wouldn't steal a car, but I would if I could download it

First published Jun ’09, The Punch

Doubtless we’ve all seen that gritty urban anti-piracy ad that equates half-inching cars and televisions with illegally downloading movies on the internet.

The message, writ large is “DOWNLOADING PIRATED MOVIES IS STEALING, STEALING IS AGAINST THE LAW”. It’s a fair point, and surely one that only a klepto of the highest order would even attempt to argue with. You would think.

The last time I graced a cinema with my presence, for the umpteenth time my peepers were affronted with the Hollywood sign sized words “YOU WOULDN’T STEAL A CAR”.

Only this time something in me twigged. I instantly turned to my mate and blurted, “Yeah, but I would if I could download one”. And though I happily got the laughs I was after, the saddest part was, it was the truth.

If by some miracle I could download a 1965 convertible Mustang, how would I really feel behind the wheel? Would I feel lessened that I’d gained something I did not pay for? Would I be overwhelmed with guilt after clearly breaking one of the big guy’s quite literally set-in-stone rules for living?

If Moses were to descend from Mt Sinai today, wearing a set of Ray-Bans, Ksubi jeans and Birkenstocks, he’d most likely hold aloft twelve commandments, and undoubtedly the twelfth would be “Thou shalt not download illegally”, right after “Thou shalt not use the word party as a verb”.

Piracy of digital music and movies is not a new issue. I’m not sure if it’s even interesting any more, and probably only talked about by record label people and movie execs. But surely if we’re not talking about it, it’s already become the widely accepted norm.

Though I still incessantly consume music, I think it could be literally five years since I walked into a record store and bought a CD. Maybe more.

Sifting through the new releases during a lunch break sojourn to Sydney’s Red Eye records, I chanced upon a few nuggets of gold to break my retail drought. The new Sonic Youth album, new Peter Bjorn and John – both worth more than just a cursory glance. As I placed them neatly back on the racks, the honest-to-god first thought that popped into my head was, “must remember to download those when I get back to the office”.

Now I need to make this clear. I had no intention of heading off with my credit card in tow to download them the good ol’ Christian way. Make no mistake, this transaction was to be purely between me and the bit-torrent Beelzebub, and though every church congregation is happy to receive your donations towards the good work of the lord, the devil does not deal in dollars, he just enjoys running up an eternal credit card debt with your soul.

Here in lies the problem. Take morality out of the equation, and though it pains me to say it, the argument for paying for music and movies online is pretty slim.

Imagine you had two shops right next to each other. One shop sold haute couture of the finest quality, and every piece cost only one dollar. That, surely, would be the most popular shop in the history of the shop.

Next-door however, is the exact same store, only everything on their racks is completely free. Now, if you’re a shopper with shifty morals and you’re lining up to get all your best threads from Delilah’s Dollar Duds over Fiona’s Free Fashionz, then you are a stone-cold fool.

This is exactly what has been happening for years in the great Westfields of the internet. The cost of living is high enough these days, you can almost understand why we’re all not taking moral high ground when it comes to entertainment.

Though with iTunes and other legitimate digital enterprises making things a whole lot simpler to do things “the right way”, I’ve still never been confronted with an argument, other than the one that nags at my conscience, that stops me and squillions of people all around the globe from chocking up gigabytes with their ill-gotten gains.

Recently the owners of The Pirate Bay, Sweden’s answer to Napster, were taken to court and found guilty of copyright infringement, earning the Pirate Bay Four $905,000-a-piece fines, and a year’s holiday each to the Cell Block H Luxury Hotel & Spa. But even though the captain and his crew have since walked the plank, The Pirate Bay website is still sailing the seven seas of illegal downloads, without so much of a ripple in the aforementioned ocean.

Shiver me timbers, but that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

According to Darren Waters of the BBC:

The goal has never been the closure of The Pirate Bay, although I doubt they would say this publicly. This was always about awareness and education.

So what’s the teaching that Joe Punter is gleaning from this large scale shellacking? Is it that copyright infringement is serious business and unless you’re thinking of a career in pressing number plates, you should probably stop clicking on those naughty links quick sticks? Or is it really that unless you are an active head of a terrorist cell, no real harm can come to you, and the piracy jihad rolls on regardless.

Somehow we’ve arrived at this pirate pandemic thanks to the widespread belief that stealing music and movies on the internet is the perfect victimless crime, and no high profile court case seems to be shifting that perception, mine included. But it seems that now, art itself is picking up the cheque, and there’s only so long that sucker can keep bouncing before it comes back to sock us all in the face.

Human beings are shifty little buggers. Sure we have compassion, love for mankind, and always cry at the end of The Colour Purple, but if the internet has proven one thing, it’s that when you break down the social barriers that make us confront our fellow man face to face, we are always looking out for number one, and to some varying degree, are always on the take.

We all have the potential to be crooks, it’s just that some of us seem to possess a stronger moral fibre than others. And on the flip side, some of us are just better at not getting caught than others.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a download queue to check on. I tell you, this high-speed National Broadband Network couldn’t get here a day too soon.