Cream of the Crap
First published on sydneyis.com.au, Oct ‘00
If in the fashion world, grey is the new black – then in film, is bad is the new good? Chris Deal chats to Sensomatic’s Chris Schembri about why B-Grade is better.
Most people will walk out of a film if it’s bad enough. A few will actually complain to the management, and the rest will leave feeling not only twenty dollars lighter but also twenty percent dumber than when they initially traversed the foyer. But not Chris Schembri, ex-owner of the defunct Encore cinema and co-founder of Sensomatic at the Henson Park Hotel. Not only will he applaud poor acting, commend ludicrous story lines and curtsey to incapable directing, he’ll ask for a business card as well. But not for any films mind you – Chris has a discerning palette when it comes to shoddy cinema. They have to be the tackiest, most painful, and most embarrassing films ever projected on to a big white sheet. And of course, only the worst will do.
The question begs though, how bad is bad? What makes a loser, a winner? According to Schembri, you can go no lower than “Double Agent 73” made by the only female sexploitation director of the 1960s, Doris Wishman. “She wasn’t even a filmmaker” laughs Schembri, “she was just a distributor who just thought one day, why not make a film?” And this is why I presume. “Oh yeah it’s atrocious. It’s supposed to be sexy but there’s not one attractive person in the entire film. It stars Chesty Morgan, who is so wooden she can hardly act, and has tits so big she can hardly walk. She’s a secret agent assigned to track down and kill some people, but she has to photograph them as well, so she has cameras surgically implanted in her breasts so she can secretly take photos. So of course every time she has to take a photo she has to pull her tits out. I can’t remember the exact story but she goes missing or something and the people she works for are very concerned because the cameras are going to self-destruct, and they have to get them out or her boobs will explode. We used to run it at the Encore, and I used to just piss my pants every time.”
When the Encore’s curtains finally closed last year, many b-grade and art-house film fans felt like they had been kicked out in to the street. Chris though had a greater stake to that claim; being forced to live in the cinema for a couple of months while it closed it down. “I was homeless! I guess you could squat in worse places than a cinema though. We’d just invite friends around and watch films all day”. Obviously man cannot live on Jaffas and Coke alone, and Chris and partner Leanne Haig have decided to add beer to b-grade to create Sensomatic, a weekly cinema experience like no other. Now into it’s fourth season at the Henson Park Hotel, Sensomatic is a showcase of the best/worst (is there a difference?) b-grade blunders ever made. And Schembri assures that for your three-dollar entry fee, you will be treated to crap, of the highest possible quality. “The standards are no standards! If it’s bad… then that’s pretty good. Technique wise I love all those zooms they went mad with in the seventies, but a bad script usually gets me. Take Wonder Woman and her invisible plane for example. A woman, flying though the air in a seated position… so as not to be conspicuous. I mean that’s just ridiculous”.
At Sensomatic, interruption and boisterous activity is required not frowned upon. For Schembri, audience interaction is what makes bad films so enjoyable. Even a dinner plate laden barman shouting, ‘Number 27! Number 27 to the bistro! Who ordered the Steak Diane?’ is hardly noticeable amongst the cheers and jeers of the audience. “There’s noise all the way through but it doesn’t get footy crowd rowdy. I like people to come heckle and carry on. It helps create the atmosphere. Everyone knows that it’s all a piss-take and no one really takes anything seriously. They’ll chat and call out stuff, holler out comments at the screen – which we of course try to encourage as much as possible.”
With the drudgery of the mega-plex and the current wane of art house and independent cinemas in Sydney, it’s good to see that the experience of a film is still something to be cherished as much as the film itself. “I think a lot of the big cinemas now are just so cold and austere, that it doesn’t really make for a good atmosphere, or any atmosphere at all. I mean we used to let people smoke at the Encore… sometimes. We just wanted people to feel comfortable. I mean that’s the whole point isn’t it? It’s entertainment; you’re out for a good time. You want to go out and relax but how can you when you can’t do this and you can’t do that and you can’t even buy a fucking choc top because it’s fifty bucks! It’s ridiculous. At least when they come to Sensomatic they can lie on the floor, drink, smoke, get a cheap meal, and just have a good time.” And feel better about themselves safe in the knowledge that no matter how low their self esteem is, they can walk out with their heads held high and say, ‘I may only be a Supermarket manager, but at least I didn’t make Double Agent 76’.
Sensomatic can be found loitering about the Henson Park Hotel, 91 Illarwarra Rd Marrickville, every Sunday night at 7.30pm. For more info on Sensomatic phone (02) 8354 0870 or 0400 804 021. And I’m sure they do requests.